yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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