I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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