so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
