So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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