i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
