on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
