he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
