I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
