There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
