Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well you can't waste a boner
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
