my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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