found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As shirtless as possible
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
