Umm I'm too high to move.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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