Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
