There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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