i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
