I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
