new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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