She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
