Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
