i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
