omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
