Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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