Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
