Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
