There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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