you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
