I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
