the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
