Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
