I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
