i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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