Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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