Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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