Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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