Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
