i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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