That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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