if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
