I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
