i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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