I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
