I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
