god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
