I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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