Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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