Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
