if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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