So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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