I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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